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I know this blog will rub many people the wrong way, but we need to break free of certain mindsets. We love our mothers and they do what it takes to raise children when the father decide to leave for whatever reason. When a young man is labeled “the man of the house” he instantly goes from a child to a “man” in a heartbeat.
I believe there’s a difference when a single mother raise her son to be responsible (like cleaning his bedroom, taking out the trash, and cleaning up behind himself) opposed to making him the man of the house. There’s a difference in this approach. When he is forced fill in the gaps the father left, then he’s being “the man of the house” which isn’t healthy.
This comes from an absent father or a lack of a positive male figure in the family. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that life happens and we all make mistakes. I’m not saying your son is the mistake but the act of having sex with someone you aren’t married to was the mistake.
Although my father wasn’t there for me full-time, God did place men in my life that helped me be responsible (I talk about this in-depth in my second book (It’s The Woman You Gave Me). If you are a single mother of a son, there is hope! There are men that God will place in your life to help you with your son; no strings attached.
-It forces him to be responsible too soon.
When the father is absent or a divorce occurs, a son can only wonder was the divorce his fault or why he doesn’t have his father. Once he is dubbed the “man of the house” at an early age (adolescent or teen years) he take on a role he’s not capable of handling.
The danger of your son becoming the man of the house is forcing him to grow up overnight. When he’s forced into the role of responsibility too soon, it can haunt him going into adulthood. The example would be the man who “refuse to grow up” and accept responsibility. Could it be he missed his childhood by taking care of younger siblings and listening to mom’s struggles?
What young man wouldn’t want to help his mother who is struggling as a single parent? He ends up taking on the lead role that was left void by his father, and more than likely hating him. This cycle is passed down from generation to generation…
-The mother can become controlling, making her son to become what she missed from a man.
I understand the reasoning for this, but to make your son into what you want can cause tension between you and your son. An example would be making him more feminine and sensitive than letting him be naturally a man. This can be done unconsciously because she’s a woman and doesn’t know how to be a man.
But forcing those qualities you miss from a man and putting them on your son can harm him long-term. When a young man knows what it takes to make his mom happy, he can use the same thing on other women to get what he wants. A son needs the balance between his mother and father, but in order to identify who he is, he need the guidance of his father or other Godly men in your community.
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