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Are you considering marriage? It’s something you shouldn’t take lightly. Etched in our brains are movies we seen as kids (mostly for young girls) where the man saves the woman from all adversity and they sail into the sunset, then the movie credits roll. Happily ever after….
What if we could show Beauty and the Beast ten years later? How would Princess Belle respond to Beast because he’s been out of work for six months? How would Cinderella respond to the prince because he doesn’t pay her the attention he used to? Would she eat ice cream all day and binge on Netflix?
I’m not trying to make life dark and depressing. I’m just bringing some reality to our imagination. We grow up chasing a fantasy, and then want to divorce once our spouse doesn’t meet the fantasy we envisioned as kids.
Where do we get our ideas of marriage from? Why do so many of us desire to marry but have never seen a healthy marriage? If you see a kid who loves basketball and you ask him who his favorite player is. He would say LeBron James. Why? Because he saw someone he wanted to emulate. This kid will take time to watch LeBron on TV or watch his highlights on YouTube.
If I asked a single person what marriage would they want to emulate, I wonder what would their answer?
Many of us who are Christians and attend church regularly are told if you want to have sex, get married (refer to 1 Corinthians chapters 6 and 7). So what does the Christian single do? Get married so no longer is sex a sin. Once we find out there’s more to marriage than sex, we want out because we weren’t equipped with premarital counseling or reading material on what makes a healthy marriage.
Here are 3 reasons you shouldn’t take marriage lightly
Your spouse has the ability to turn your world upside down
When you marry, your spouse has access to everything, from your heart to the bank account. They can make you the happiest to hurting you like never before. In order for a marriage to be healthy you have to be vulnerable to each other. True love will make you swallow your pride.
We all have certain expectations of our spouse and when they don’t measure up, you will be hurt. Only Jesus can be your everything, not your spouse. No human can fill the void in your heart. We are conditional people and no one can carry that weight on a consistent basis. Learn to extend some grace. Want to be more like Christ? Show unconditional love.
Divorce Has Ripple Effects
When people divorce, many of them live in the now and how they feel now. Rarely do they think of the ripple effects from the children to the people that admire them. According to The American Association of Christian Counselors, children from divorced homes feel the divorce is because of them; and it takes 30 years for a child to recover from their parents’ divorce.
What about friends and family? They are used to seeing the married couple together and the relationship that was formed by welcoming him/her in the family is now a thing of the past.
If one divorces more than once, consider if that person takes their vows seriously. Here’s why it’s important to be a finisher while single. Did they finish the degree or the weight-loss program? If they have a problem with finishing something they started while single, tread lightly before deciding to marry him/her.
How does being a finisher play into a marriage? One trait of becoming a finisher is able to persevere in tough times. If you have been married over an extended amount of time to the same person, there will be tough times. What do quitters do during tough times? They quit. What do you think they will do when tough times arrive in marriage? It’s important to know if your potential spouse is a finisher.
Finishing is better than starting –Eccl. 7:8
It is finished! –John 19:30
You Are Marrying Your Potential Spouse’s Family History
While standing at the altar, one thing we don’t see is the history we bring. Our history range from being raised in a broken home, abandonment, abuse, or poverty. Some of these things are discussed in premarital counseling, but it’s during the tough times in marriage these issues take a life of its own.
When we get confused and frustrated in marriage, it’s easier to revert back to old coping mechanisms. This can range from overeating, porn, overspending, drinking, or gossip. The list goes on and on. Here’s why it’s important to renew our mind (Ephesians 4:23) and then develop healthy habits.
Sometimes, we don’t fight our spouse, but the history behind our spouse. If we don’t fight against negative family history we will automatically inherit it. We grow up thinking, “I don’t want my kids to feel the way I did,” because of the bad behaviors of our parents. If we aren’t proactive we find ourselves as adults doing the same thing to our children…
If you decide to marry, don’t take it lightly! What are your thoughts?
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