Being A Safe Place For Your Husband

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The closest relationship to humans can have is marriage (Gen 2:24).  As kids, our safe place was with our parents.  When we get married, more and more things about ourselves are revealed to our spouse.  Things we wouldn’t tell anyone else because we are with each other more than anyone else.

Not to reveal the movie if you haven’t seen it, but there is a short scene in the beginning of “Ironman 3” where Tony Starks is sitting in front of Pepper facing her.  She is attentively listening to him.  He tells her about his weaknesses and insecurities.  When he is done, she responds to him by gently placing her arms around him and holding him very close to her for a while.  This brought tears to my eyes.

Related Topic: Things Wives Can Do To Keep Their Husband’s Attention 

Here you have the super hero who saves people’s lives all over the world has weaknesses and insecurities.  But he can’t disclose this information to just anyone.  Who can he trust this with that won’t tell someone or use it against him?  What if Pepper would have said to him, “Oh, get over it!” or “Quit being a wuss!” or “Suck it up! You’re Ironman!”  How would he hold up?  He would clam up, cut everyone off.  Hold it in, self-destruct and not be able to help anyone including himself.  And Pepper would leave him because he shut her out.

 

This is what happens in our marriages, our men (Husbands) running leaps and bounds trying to make things work for his family and community.  They are doing their best to provide for and protect their families.  But when they come home and try to talk to their wives, she is too busy, too tired, has a frown on her face, won’t let him finish talking without interrupting him, instructing him, and so on.  So he just doesn’t say anything and go into self-destruct mode (his shell).

 

We (wives) need to learn how to be “A Safe Place” for our husbands so they can put back on the Iron-suit and do their heroes work.  A Safe Place is an environment of non-judgment, forgiving, loving, and seeking to understand, ready to help, and/or just listen.  A Safe Place is NOT: “You are just nasty!” or “You are just lazy!”  A Safe Place is:  “How can I help?” or “It’s ok, we will get through this together!” or just listen and be tender like Pepper was.

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