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I haven’t yet written about my celibate life and why I’m on this journey for eight years so far. So here’s why.
1. I am a Christian, and I firmly believe in the Bible. Hebrews 13:4, NKJV states: “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” I know it’s considered ancient, outdated and very “Cleaverish” to believe in or to practice celibacy based on the Bible, but I also have other reasons which are listed below.
2. I don’t have to live in fear of picking up a STD or getting pregnant unexpectedly. I know there are “precautions” that we can use and many of them work well when used properly, but there are MANY people who thought they were safe and were still “caught”. As one of my social media friends pointed out recently, we save a LOT of money when we don’t have to purchase birth control or condoms or take frequent tests to ensure that we did not pick up a disease. I don’t think the 15 minutes of pleasure is worth the angst that follows thereafter.
3. My heart is free. The issue of soul ties where we are intimately connected to everyone we’ve ever slept with is REAL. Having to untangle my heart and my soul from several men is, thankfully, something I am not struggling with at this time. I had to work through that issue when my divorce was finalized, which was a tough situation. With healing comes the realization that I don’t want to go down that path again unnecessarily (or EVER).
4. My conscience is clear. It is human nature to rationalize what we want to accept, whether it is the right thing to do or not. I’m very hard on myself in many areas of life because I want to reach higher and grow wiser and stronger in Christ. If I need to justify my behavior to feel good about myself even at the expense of my testimony and my relationship with God, I think I would lose that fight. Because God created marriage as the context for intimacy and procreation, as a single woman I have asked Him to help me honor my vow to live out His Word.
5. I’m setting an example for my son and for others to follow. We can live fulfilled, pleasurable and productive lives without sex (which includes masturbation and viewing pornography). We are free to pursue our purpose when we are not focusing all our energies on satiating our feelings and desires.
Are there challenges in maintaining celibacy? Of course! I’m human and I was married before, so I know what intimacy is like. Even before I was married (I was a virgin on my wedding day) I still struggled to maintain my virginity up to the age of 25.
Some of us have asked why has God given us these urges if we weren’t supposed to act on them. I think of it in this way: We are given appetites for food, for sex and for other things. If we act on our appetites inappropriately, we reap the consequences of those actions. If we eat at the wrong times (e.g. too late at night) or if we eat the wrong foods OR too much food, we will experience weight and health issues. If we eat in the proper context (eating to live versus living to eat), we maintain a healthy weight with fewer health issues. In that same way, practicing restraint in sexual activities and keeping it within the context that God created it for (which is marriage) makes it fun and a GOOD thing! When children are conceived in a healthy marriage there is a secure nuclear unit, which is the ideal home environment for them.
I am determined to keep the big picture always in the forefront. I am willing to sacrifice a momentary pleasure that has the ability to derail the rest of my life and I am choosing instead to WAIT until God sends Mr. Right in my direction.