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Promiscuity (promiscuous): having or characterized by many transient (short or impermanent) sexual relationships
I WAS 1 of approximately 1.8 million adolescents in the United Stated who have been VICTIM of sexual assault!
4 many years of my life, I was not seen and I was not heard. 4 too long, I felt helpless and hopeless. I did not know how to verbally express my pain (suffering, torment, and discomfort), so I waited 4 someone, ANYONE, to come to my aid. Being 11 years old, a month or two away from becoming 12, my virginity was taken from me. I didn’t “LOSE” it like many would ask. It was taken! Stolen! Demanded! Poached! Robbed! Snatched! To be more plan, my innocence, my purity, my virtue, and my joy were “taken [from me] without permission or legal right and without intending to return it” (Google Definitions) by someone I trusted and called a friend.
After several failed attempts (victim-blaming) of trying to report my “experience”, I concluded three things:
- I was wearing shorts and my body was advanced for an 11-year-old, so maybe I did lead him on.
- He told me he loved me afterward, so maybe this is how this thing works.
- No one listened!
The ONLY person who was present was HIM, my abuser. As I felt worthless, used, and abused, he began telling me I was beautiful and loved by him. That was just the validation that I need. I was hooked. I believed him. I began to give myself to him (UN)willingly.
After several years of sexual promiscuity, marijuana abuse, alcohol abuse, and many attempts to quit abusing myself, a friend ask me one question that shifted my entire perspective:
“WHY is it that you only have sex with guys you don’t see a future with?”
This was it! From his question, I realized that all this time I had been searching for a void to be filled. I was so consumed with being the victim, I develop the power of manipulation. And I LOVED having that power! However, that power was not only destroying me, I was justifying the actions of my former abuser and my sexual partners. As long as I remained the victim, he was winning!
I was ready to give myself permission and allow myself to heal!
It has been 12 years since I stared into the barrel of a gun and was violated sexually. This month, I victoriously celebrate my journey of 4 years being celibate! While privately acknowledging myself, I received a thought: “what did I wish others had told me?!”
If you would indulge me a bit longer, below you will find 12 realizations I’ve obtained over the last 4 years!
- IT WAS NOT MY FAULT! And neither is it yours! Due to people being unsettled by becoming involved with a situation, or even a conversation of rape, the victims are often the ones blamed. It is not your fault! The fault lies with your abuser. Period!
- GIVE YOURSELF TIME TO BE A VICTIM. You were harmed and violated as a result of a crime. BUT do not be defined by this incident! You are still here.
- I AM A SURVIVOR! And so are you! We all respond differently to adverse situations. You are a person who survived an event. Push and challenge yourself to learn how to cope well with the difficulties that will come (if they haven’t already) in your life. I SEE YOU!
- VOIDS CANNOT BE FILL WITH VOIDS! An emptiness cannot find lasting comfort, security, or wellness in emptiness. Promiscuity was NOT the answer for me, and it will certainly not be the answer for you! Find a healthy way to cope.
- SORROWS CAN SWIM! Knowing there is a deep deep hurt, and lacking a trusted support system tends to lead us to self-medicate. Alcohol will not drown our troubles. Drugs will not eliminate the pain.
- LET YOURSELF RELEASE! Allow yourself to be set free and remove the restrictions from your life. Victimization consumed me until I recognized I, too, had power. P***y Power! I was able to use this power to manipulate others into doing what I wanted them to do. Rarely ever did I have to sexually exploit myself. Understand, WORDS HAVE POWER. Change the way you SPEAK to yourself, so you no longer live in a place of bondage!
- DISCOVER YOUR WORTH! You are who YOU say you are. Your worth isn’t diminished by the skewed perceptions, poor choices, or harmful actions of others. You set the standard for your worth. Set and maintain your boundaries. Confront your fears by realizing that you have in you what you need to “Face Everything And Rise!” (Charissa Cleveland, “The Fearless Coach”).
- DON’T HESITATE TO ASK FOR HELP! Though hardships are inevitable, we have the tools to get unstuck from our situations. We are also directly connected to others who have unique gifts who are able to help us overcome. Prior to connecting with someone who you trust with your story, be willing to prepare yourself to become an Overcomer!
- VISUALIZATION IS POWERFUL! Take time to see your self healed. Cancel out the negative thoughts and opinions from yourself and others. Challenge the status quo and redefine who you are. Shift your current perspective on life. And begin to do things without the expectation of reciprocity.
- BE WILLING! Prepare yourself to be open to new opportunities. Do not revisit your experiences from the past in present situations. As your mindset has shifted, your outcomes will, too. Be willing to look at the bigger picture. Your life is directly connected to the lives of others, and your story is certain to help those others tap into and reach their levels of greatness. Your life is purposed!
- BE ACCOUNTABLE! This one may be tough. Understand you are doing this for YOU, not for them. Learn to forgive! You must. The process of forgiveness allows you to confidently work to achieve new and excited things. Take time to listen more. Learn more. Love more. And allow others to hold you to a higher standard as you continue along your life journey. You are healing!
- BE DISTINCTIVE! It’s time to work on YOU. Truthfully, these last 11 realizations, you have begun working on healing your self. Continue to gain a true sense of self by learning to empower yourself and sharpening the tools tethered to your purpose. You are created to be distinctively set apart from everyone else in this world, so learn to be YOU, unapologetically!
I am no longer a victim! I AM AN OVERCOMER! My prayer that you become one, too!
This article is not to receive sympathy for the assault. Nor am I seeking admiration for taking back my sexuality and discovering my worth. This message is to globally express that RAPE IS STILL an epidemic! By remaining as a bystander, you are perpetuating this cycle of abuse! Though much sexual violence SURVIVORS can and are resilient, “13% of women who are raped attempt suicide!”
Sexual Violence Statistics
-In 8 of 10 cases of rape, the victim knew the person who sexually assaulted them
-81% of women and 35% of men REPORT significant short-term or long-term impacts such as PTSD (There are many unreported impacts!)
-1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually abused before they turn 18 years old
Take time to explore the facts and help make a change:Buffer