One of the biggest mistakes we can make in life is to compare ourselves to others

The Comparison Trap

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One of the biggest mistakes we can make in life is to compare ourselves to others. Don’t fall into the comparison trap! I know it’s almost natural to think about “why don’t I have what he/she have and we’re the same age?” Or wonder why our best friend is married and we’re single when we he/she slept with more people than we did prior to marriage. Just some of these thoughts can drive us crazy and it’s a slow burn until it consumes us and our heart is nothing but ashes from the fire.

Definition of Compare: to say that (something) is similar to something else. To look at (two or more things) closely in order to see what is similar or different about them or in order to decide which one is better

I remember I started relationship coaching back in 2008. Although I knew this was my calling and I was good at it, I wondered why I wasn’t attracting the clients like those before me. I thought since God anointed me to do this the people will come by the hundreds. Wrong! It was a very slow and painful process that took years for clients to come. Looking back now I see that God have people on different paths and He knows what it takes to mature and grow us. (We started Never Again in 2008 and didn’t really see any fruit until 2010) Never assume someone “have it all together” because they are where we want to be. If the truth be told the one you compare yourself to is still learning as well. Anywhere worth going in life is a process and will cost you something. Are you willing to pay the price?

As I stated earlier God have us all on different paths. He made us all unique from our fingerprints to our likes and dislikes. To compare yourself to a friend or next door neighbor is telling God “I don’t like the way you made me, I want what they have!” I’ll be honest I’ve struggled with it before but over time it drains you emotionally. I learned to be grateful for what I have with the gifts and talents He entrusted me. Society and the culture will have you stressed because there’s always something to attain so you can be with the “in crowd.” So what your neighbor has a brand new car. It looks good and you see it everyday in the driveway but have you considered how much they pay for the car note?

Since relationships is what I do, here are two ways not to compare yourself with others:

If you’re single don’t compare yourself with a friend who has a girlfriend or boyfriend. Believe it or not the both of you are still single! The definition of single is not married. The one who’s in a relationship isn’t better than you just because they have a significant other. In some cases they wish they were in your place. I’ve seen some people miserable in relationships but were afraid to break it off for a fear of being alone. One of the greatest tricks of the enemy is discontent.

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want -Phil. 4:12

If you’re married don’t compare your marriage to another’s. Don’t lust over another’s spouse. Yes he might make more money than your husband, but you don’t know what he has to go through to make the money. He might work plenty of overtime while you don’t want to work overtime. Yes her shape is near perfect but you don’t know what she has to go through to keep the shape. Maybe she’s in the gym five days a week on a consistent basis. While she’s in the gym you don’t feel like going so you stay at home. Yes I know their house is bigger than yours but you don’t want to pay the electric bill they get every month. Next time you start to compare yourself with someone else ask yourself “am I willing to pay the price?”


Shon Hyneman

Single Father, Mentor, Blogger. The author of 5 books and founder of Never Again Ministries, a place where we can walk through life together. Shon also hosts of The Doctor of Love Show Podcast where he discusses real topics on relationships in a spiritual and practical way so you can apply it to your everyday life. You can subscribe to The Doctor of Love Show Podcast on Stitcher, iTunes, iHeartRadio and Google Play