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Someone suggested that my next blog should touch on relationships. Being that I follow people on twitter who love being in relationships, and I have a lot of friends who are in healthy ones, I didn’t think it would be bad to take a shot at it. Before you read this, I’m not a relationship expert, or do I plan to be, but I’ve seen examples of things I would/wouldn’t want in my relationship in the near future. I tweeted and posted some of these things on Facebook once before, so I hope you enjoy it!
My father once told me that in dating and courting, it’s imperative to ask questions. You’ll never know how compatible you are until you really get down to business and ask. Growing up in church, the older generation would stress how us young people should find somebody in our respective churches to marry, if we didn’t we’d be “unequally yoked”, when in all honesty, that’s not true. I’m not against the idea, but just because you share the same denomination or go to the same church, doesn’t necessarily mean that person is right for you. The world is bigger than just your church.
Our generation moves so fast relationship wise. They sleep together, THEN try to get to know one another. Then once they find out what type of person they’re dealing with, they are nowhere near compatible. Plus, some people really settle with “going together” or being a one-night stand. But if your intention is to marry and spend the rest of your life with that person, it’s some things you seriously have to be up front about.
And no, I’m not saying as soon as you meet them, you should say “Hi my name is _______, what’s your credit score?!”, but as you progress with a person, especially if you’re looking to marry them, you should definitely make some issues known. Most of you who are reading this blog are probably between the ages of 22-30, so we’re at that point where we are “dating with a purpose”. No gimmicks, no games, and we’re definitely not into time-wasting.
Do you think you could marry a person who raises their kids differently? First off, does your potential wife/husband even want any kids? What are their thoughts on birth control or abortion? How would you feel if your partner said they believe in “time out” or talking to their kids vs. “getting the belt” when it comes to discipline? What about future plans? Are you two on the same page, or is that person going right and you’re moving to the left? What about work ethic? Ladies, does he want his future wife to stay home and let him take care of the household, instead of having you work? Fellas, is she looking to build an empire with you, or is she just sitting home reaping benefits because she hit the jackpot when she met you?
What is their relationship style? Are they romantic enough as you would like? Are you spontaneous enough to keep the fire going? How serious do they take anniversaries and other special moments? Are you gonna be penalized for not remembering the exact day you had your first kiss? Us women can get a little technical sometimes being that we remember everything lol. Can they manage money well? Do they budget? What’s their credit like? Can you buy a house in the near future with their financial background? Do they keep up with paying their bills or do they need help in that department?
To dig deeper, is your partner practicing celibacy or is a virgin? Are you willing to wait before marriage? Do they believe in living together before marriage? When was the last time they’ve been tested for an STD? Can you handle a person that has to have sex everyday to be satisfied? Can you handle someone who can probably have sex twice a week and they’re okay?
What about family bloodlines? What diseases run in their family? Is it possible to affect your children in the future? What about personality traits within the bloodline? Are they easy to make upset? Do they fight a lot? Do they or their family have a reputation of always landing in jail? What about mental illnesses? You better make sure they’re right in the head because you may be dealing with a whole fool and not know it.
I know it may sound crazy, but I look around and see people in relationships and marriages who are suffering because they don’t take their time. Some may say “Well you can ask all you want, people will lie!” Well friends, being that I’m a firm believer in God, I ask Him daily for discernment. Use it wisely and when you pick up on certain spirits, traits and qualities you don’t agree with, then that is your time to make a change. Don’t ignore the signs. Don’t get caught up on good looks or how much money someone has, and allow that to be a determining factor. If you’re not compatible with a certain person, it’s okay and it’s not the end of the world. I don’t know about y’all, but I rather cry tears of joy because I dodged a bullet, instead of crying because I’m connected to a person I can’t get away from…