Desperation: The Breeding Ground for Manipulation

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Desperate can be a bit of a harsh word when pertaining to the opposite sex and relationships. But without realizing it, many of us can get caught up within it quite swiftly. How does this happen? We lose focus of our value. We find that we may feel a bit complete or better when there’s an attachment with another human being. 

Now, I wouldn’t say that people don’t or can’t help us become better because they can. However, they surely can’t make you whole. A red flag should rise when you began to see a person as someone to complete you because they can’t do that. What you’re doing is making them an idol in your life, which God hates (hence the 10 commandments). People are only vessels that God uses, they’re not Him.

Let’s say, for instance, you got dumped and decided to unintentionally beg for reconciliation. You send 30 text messages asking why, and pouring your heart out. When we reveal our inner most vulnerability to someone, especially in disheartening situations, we’re making ourselves susceptible to more pain. So what happens after that? You’ve become too vulnerable. 

The situation is now no longer in your hands, your white flag has raised and you feel as if you have nothing else to lose because your love has left you. You feel empty, broken, useless, anything but whole and well. While your feelings may have been what they were, some of them were nothing but lies from the enemy.

Now you’re up all night, crying to “Love Drought” by Beyoncé and sending message after message. Meanwhile, Christ says, “Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. (Matt.11:28). What else is a person to do when their idol has stepped off of the pedestal? We go insane, maybe even enraged, our emotions have spiraled out of control. I’ve worn this jersey in the game 1 too many times behind men who left me.

I didn’t realize that what I had opened was a can of worms, all because I couldn’t control my emotions. I exposed too much of my emotions and inner weaknesses at the wrong time. When a person shows you that they would rather walk away, stripping yourself bare isn’t the wisest thing to do. Here’s what happens: you could wake up to a text with them saying sweet nothings. Basically, they’re responding to the texts you sent that he/she ignored after the breakup, to try to reel you back in. 

Maybe their plan of leaving you didn’t work out as planned. That’s terrible and selfish. But aside from the texts, their actions show nothing! That is the beginning of manipulation, love. What happens is, they have ahold of you and your emotions, and the devil loves this stuff! Anything to keep you bound is in full effect, especially when you’ve finally got your emotions together and you’re moving on. Don’t be desperate. Don’t fall for it, UNLESS you have valid reasons, and God has given you peace to pursue the situation. By all means, do forgive, but don’t fall into the traps of the enemy playing with your vulnerabilities.

Men and women, you’re valuable and precious in the sights of God. It all boils down to how much you truly value yourself.  Spend more time with those who actually show love to you without the question. Too many times we put our faith and value into the hands of people who throw it onto the floor and walk away. 

That’s totally not the love God has for us, and I refuse to believe that for you and myself. No more being desperate, love yourself enough to respect the decision of those who feel it’s necessary for them to walk away from you. No more wasting our days away trying to figure them out, you may never figure it out. The best option is to pray for them, selflessly. And most of all, your healing and clarity because I know it hurts. 

And I leave 1 Thessalonians 5:23 and Isaiah 58:11 with you: “Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. ” “The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.”

There’s more out there, you’re worth so much more. God bless.


Damira Robertson

Damira is a 23-year-old multifaceted woman who resides in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. While her day profession is a professional makeup artist, aside from that, she's also a gifted writer. At a young age, she realized that her purpose lies within her passion --which is to lift up and encourage God's children through the arts.