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What do I mean by don’t ask for a bride until you can provide? This blog is targeted to my brothers who desire to marry but wonders how much it takes financially to support a family. That number depends on the lifestyle you (or your wife to be a desire to live). After reading numerous blogs about marriage and money, I’ve noticed during the engagement stage, money is rarely discussed.
Why is money rarely discussed during the engagement stage? Many times the engaged couple is in the “love is all we need to get by phase.” If the couple is discussing finances it’s concerning the wedding ceremony, not how much you make an hour? Are you on salary? Or what’s your credit score?
When finances aren’t discussed before marriage, sometimes the man looks for his wife to help him financially. Times have changed where it takes two incomes to run a household. Women are more independent than ever and in most cases she makes more money than him, have her own place, and car.
In the case of some men, they might make less money because of child support, a bad record (past mistakes as a teenager or young adult), divorce, or a below than average credit score. According to CNN.com women make 22 cents less than men. I wonder is that accounting for African American men and women as well. Many women I know personally are highly educated and make more than 50,000 a year.
What do I suggest single men do before marriage? Have a plan for your life. Don’t focus on trying to get a “help meet” because she can’t help meet your needs if you don’t have vision. Do what God has instructed you and stay on course until completion. Clear up any debt and get your finances in order. Figure out a way to have multiple streams of income by having a side business, it might take off and you can run your business full time! The possibilities are endless!
Many times men are taught how to be lovers before providers. When that happens, it increases his chances of getting into debt by trying to impress women with things he can’t afford or have sex with multiple women, and in the process having a baby out of wedlock.
As a man, you might be thinking if she makes more money, then why would she need me? Here’s why:
Women love relationships: When she sees you putting your best foot forward, most women will help you turn your dream into a reality. Why? Because she wants to be down *singing in my Brandy voice*
For some women, it doesn’t make a difference if she makes more money than him. She just wants to know if you can be consistent with an income every two weeks (legally). Women need protection and stability. When a man brings those two things to the table, she’s head over heels for him.
What happens if she loses her job? Very few of us can support a family on one income. Life is real and if he isn’t consistent with his work history, it can send her into a whirlwind of panic and she can feel unprotected. This plays huge in her life if her Father wasn’t there for her when she was a child.
I’m not saying money is everything; your trust should be in God. He gives us the health and mentally stability to provide. Also, it sets the example for our children about a strong work ethic and what they should look for in a potential spouse in the in the future.