Et Tu, Lord? When It Feels Like God is Tricking You

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I wasn’t angry. I was exhausted.

When it feels like God has pulled the rug from underneath you for the umpteenth time  – it’s easy to lose temporary trust in Him.

At least that’s what happened to me.

I had no words for God. He tricked me.

All the weight of my confidence and trust was fully dependent on God’s promises only to find out they weren’t stable. This kind of grief often feels like God is luring you a lair with honey only leave you stung and asking why.

My heart was shattered. I had no tears. It took a while to form words. It took a while to process.

There were days I couldn’t get out of bed right away. Darkness and silence spoke my language.

But the day came where I finally attempted a week of prayer that consisted of something along the lines of:

“God – you promised..”
“I feel like I can’t trust you anymore”
“God. I really don’t have anything to say to you.”
“God..”

At this point, I was only able to do three things successfully:

  1. Sit Indian-style on my bedroom floor.
  2. Gaze into the past.
  3. Try figuring out if God and Ashton Kutcher were trying to feature me in an episode of Punk’d.

During a breakup. After a funeral. Loss of a job. Another failed pregnancy.

Why would God implement hope in our hearts only to lead us to the weirdest kind of demise?

The same reason He would deliver you from the Red Sea only to lead you to the bitter waters of Marah.

To highlight the condition of your heart.

Prayer. Fasting. Ashy knees. The Israelites were at a place that isn’t foreign to you and me.

Year after year, they waited for God to answer this one prayer.
If God could just come through this one time – we’d have firm faith for the rest of our lives. Scout’s honor.

So God does it.  Effortlessly per Exodus 15:22.

God delivers them from the hand of Pharoah and into the desert.

3 days.  Hot. Weary. No water.

Just when all seemed hopeless, they run into an oasis in the desert!  Marah!
“Everything is going to be alright! God is good again, yall!”




They let their guard down again and in desperation bring the water to their lips only to find out they couldn’t drink it. The water bitter.

At this point, they about had it with God.

I’m a firm believer that God puts us in situations like this to reflect the state of our hearts. When things turn bitter, you know where you really stand.

It’s easy to praise God when you hit all green lights. When things are going your way, it’s easy to dap God and send the praises up.

But what does it look like when God decides not to deliver you from Egypt? What does it look like when God decides not to give you the job or heal you or mend a broken relationship? Does he still get the praise He deserves?

Be honest with yourself and check your heart.

There’s a lesson He wants you to learn at Marah.  You don’t want to miss it.

 

Listen to Graciela Alexandra on The Doctor of Love Show Podcast 

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Hey guys! I’m Graciela Alexandra – a Christian blogger who has a big heart for broken people and Krispy Kreme donuts. I feel like everyone my age is either married, pregnant, or trying to become a rapper. And because I can’t relate to either of these demographics, I feel….lost. Your 20’s can be tough. Keeping up with The ShadeRoom, dodging Sallie Mae, choosing the right highlighter – everyday feels like your jumping through hoops of fire in hopes not to get burned. And then my past sucks. When I say it sucks – I mean it REALLY sucks. If I could go back in time, I would – but I can’t, so I’m making the most of what I have. No pitty. No excuses. Just forward motion. Thankfully, I founded LaBeautifulCaos.com with people like me in mind. Here, we’re able to talk about the chaos going on in our lives – no pretending. We’re able to embrace exactly where we are- regardless of how bad it looks – and understand that God is working even that out for our good. Most of all we have an unexplainable hope that whatever our chaos is, becomes good per Genesis 1. Everything that you see, hear, and read on LaBeautifulCaos.com is a direct reflection of His love, grace, and mercy in my life. I’m living proof that God still makes beautiful things out of the not-so-beautiful. Welcome to My Beautiful Chaos.