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You remember the old nursery rhyme of Humpty Dumpty? Repeat after me:
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall;
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Couldn’t put Humpty together again.
Shon, what in the world Humpty Dumpty has to do with fragile relationships? I’m glad you asked!
One thing we fail to realize about entering into a new relationship or marriage is we connect with a broken person. We bring past hurts and disappointments to the relationship, covered beautifully until our spouse or significant other “bumps into our filled cup of past hurts and disappointments.”
Pastor Andy Stanley puts it like this from his book Enemies of The Heart:
(I’m paraphrasing) Our lives are filled with past hurts. Filled to the top; that if anyone makes a mistake (unknowingly) and bumps into that cup, our hurts spill onto the one who made the mistake, ruining everything.
What past hurts and disappointments are in your cup? Is it filled to the rim?
When we first meet someone we are interested in, we get a certain type of euphoria like no other. They smell good, look good, soft hands, etc… All else doesn’t matter at that time.
Sometimes, if not careful, you can make that person an idol because they are perfect (during the infancy stages of the relationship). We run and tell our friends I found the right one! They are definitely marriage material! Understand that marriage won’t solve all your single problems. Remember, that God won’t create something like marriage to be more fulfilling than Him. So, God has to let you see the human side of your spouse or significant other to remind you that if it wasn’t for His grace the relationship would have been over months ago!
You must worship no other gods, for the LORD, whose very name is Jealous, is a God who is jealous about his relationship with you. –Ex. 34:14
In the book Boundaries in Marriage by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, they discuss while leading Marriage seminars for spouses to do two things:
-Think of all the wonderful qualities that you admire and what attracted you to that person.
-Look at their spouse and say, Honey, I am a sinner, I will fail you, and I will hurt you.
He goes on to say:
“But that is a reality. The person you love the most and have committed your life to is an imperfect being. This person is guaranteed to hurt you and fail you in many ways, some serious and some not. You can expect the failures to come.”
There is not a righteous man on earth who does what is right and never sins –Eccl. 7:20
I’m not trying to paint a negative picture of marriage (you should know me better than that) but the sooner you accept reality, you won’t have a great fall. I believe most relationships are fragile because they don’t level the playing field. In other words, they don’t come off their high horse and realize they will fail you as well.
Oh, yea, back to that egg on a wall.
Mother Goose said Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. So I’m assuming his fall wasn’t three or four feet. It must have been really high! That fall was not pretty.
Granted he was an egg, it could have been a short drop and the fall would have still been great.
We have a great fall in our personal lives when we find out our spouse or significant other is flawed. The great fall (when reality sets in that you are dating or married to an imperfect person) like Humpty Dumpty is we can’t believe our spouse or significant other were capable of such things (you fill in the blank)!
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Couldn’t put Humpty together again…
What kind of people are you surrounding yourself with? Do you have an accountability partner who will tell you about yourself? Are you surrounded by yes men (or women) who will tell you what you want to hear?
Do you have friends who will give you street advice or Godly advice on what to do with your relationship when you have that great fall? Humpty Dumpty was a King and his men couldn’t put him back together again. What kind of men are they?
Surround yourself with people who can help put you back together again. This comes from a tight circle of people who can pray for you.
Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. –James 5:16
And last but not least, pray that God will put you back together! Be ready, because God will show you some things that need to be tightened up in your personal life.
Have you ever had a great fall? What are your thoughts? Leave a comment belowBuffer