The Husband Servant Leader

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Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.  Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. -Philippians 2:3-4Husband Servant Leader

What does the husband servant leader look like? Let me explain. In our society, everyone has a “me first” mentality which destroys relationships, let alone marriages.  One reason for this is men knowing how to “lead,” but not knowing how to serve.  (I’m not blaming all men; there are some great men who know how to lead their family through service.)  The word Serve means to perform duties or services for (another person or an organization).  A synonym for Serve is minister which means attend to the needs of.  Isn’t it interesting how people want to minister with a microphone in hand which is the total opposite of the definition? Since men are called to be the head of their home there should be a growth process before leading.  But there is one thing I want you to know: The head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God -1Cor. 11:3

Unfortunately most women fall for the “Since he goes to church and has a position, he must know how to lead.”  But, is that really true?  Many men in the church have a title, but have never been discipled.  What I mean by that is one who takes the time to teach another individually the ways of Jesus through His Word and how to apply it spiritually and practically on a daily basis.  There are great pastors who teach life changing sermons before thousands.  But, what about the single man or husband who sits in the congregation Sunday after Sunday and has questions to ask the pastor about his personal struggles and there is a line of fifteen people who want to talk to the pastor as well?  Most pastors’ time is very limited to talk to all the men in the congregation.  This is why it’s important for the pastor to disciple his leadership, then the leadership can disciple the congregation of men individually.

There have to be men who are willing to be mature enough to disciple men like the ones who sit in church Sunday after Sunday but have questions about how to love his wife as Christ love the church or how to lead his home spiritually, how to get his finances in order, or how to stay away from sexual advances from women at his job.

So what happens is most men know how to give out orders to his wife and children but when it comes to serving them he might struggle in that area.  Here are some ways to lead your family through serving:

Working:  This should be the starting point for every man, single or married.  Even if your wife makes more money the point is that you are bringing an income to the household.  I know there are times a man might get fired or laid off, but his goal is to provide for those he is entrusted with.  Having a strong work ethic is something every father should pass along to his children (especially to his sons).  You are serving your family financially by putting a roof over their head, clothing on their back and food on the table.

Loving his wife and children unconditionally:  Are you showing the characteristics of Christ to your family by loving them unconditionally?  When your wife and children aren’t meeting your expectations, can you still give them words of encouragement and not give them the silent treatment?  Cultivate unconditional love in your home and watch how your wife and children benefit from it.

If there are certain disciplines he wants his family to follow, he must do it himself:  For example, if you stress to your children the importance of reading their Bible every day, you must do it yourself.  If you want your wife to act upon your love language, you must act upon performing her love language on a regular basis.

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Shon Hyneman

Single Father, Mentor, Blogger. The author of 5 books and founder of Never Again Ministries, a place where we can walk through life together. Shon also hosts of The Doctor of Love Show Podcast where he discusses real topics on relationships in a spiritual and practical way so you can apply it to your everyday life. You can subscribe to The Doctor of Love Show Podcast on Stitcher, iTunes, iHeartRadio and Google Play