Is there a Civil War in Your Relationship?

Is There a Civil War in Your Relationship?

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I’m excited about seeing the new Captain America Movie: Civil War coming out May 6th, 2016! If you know me I love Marvel, especially Captain America storyline. When I first saw the previews I wondered why would Captain America and Iron Man be enemies? Here’s the reason: Captain America (Chris Evans) believes superheroes should remain free to defend humanity without government interference. Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr.) sharply disagrees and supports oversight.

Sometimes we can become so set in our ways, we refuse to change. Iron Man is for oversight because the government can buy from him (weapons) to keep his business and legacy alive. Captain America is old school in his approach, let’s fight toe-to-toe without any interference. See how being stubborn to new ideas and a way of thinking can destroy two people with a common goal?

Have you ever had a Civil War in your relationship? What do I mean by that? I mean when two people really want a healthy relationship but don’t know how to make it work because of unresolved issues and past hurts. When we don’t address unresolved issues and past hurts, no matter how much you want a happy relationship; past hurts rear its ugly head into your life unexpectedly, damaging everything.

The more we ignore unresolved issues and past hurts, the heavier weight we carry while in a relationship. After so long, the relationship starts to deteriorate and now we birth a Civil War.

Just like Iron Man and Captain America, they want to protect humanity but some things they just don’t agree on and the ripple effect is their friends have to pick a side. When you are going through a tough time in your relationship, don’t you want friends or family to pick your side (even if you are wrong)? When we don’t show empathy to our spouse or significant other because we can’t see past our own hurt, we will never see things from their view making the relationship all about us.

Understand that all relationships deal with adversity. No matter how many selfies you see someone post on Facebook or Snapchat with their spouse or significant other smiling, at one time or another, there was a Civil War going on!  The good thing about a Civil War with your spouse or significant other is it gives you a time to reflect and start over again, this time, more intelligently. This only comes with admitting your faults and not holding on to the past.


Remember that no Super Hero became super without going through some pain first. Example:

Iron Man: He was caught by some spies and hooked up to what is called an Arc Reactor, which keeps the shrapnel, or fragments, from killing Tony by entering his heart. I’m sure this was very uncomfortable for Tony at first but made it work for him. He wouldn’t be Iron Man without it.

Captain America: He was more of an experiment before he became Captain America, but putting his life at risk is nothing to play with. Many of us don’t like to take a risk that’s why we stay in our comfort zone as long as possible, even if it’s not making our life better.

There are numerous comic book superheroes whose story we know before they became super. Without paying the price, they would remain regular people.

Are you for Team Iron Man or Team Captain America?


Shon Hyneman

Single Father, Mentor, Blogger. The author of 5 books and founder of Never Again Ministries, a place where we can walk through life together. Shon also hosts of The Doctor of Love Show Podcast where he discusses real topics on relationships in a spiritual and practical way so you can apply it to your everyday life. You can subscribe to The Doctor of Love Show Podcast on Stitcher, iTunes, iHeartRadio and Google Play