Ladies, Stop Trying to Fix a Man When You Are Broken

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Ladies, sometimes you can get a good man and don’t know how to keep him because of past relationship hurts. You really won’t know how bad you’ve been hurt until you get into a new relationship and adversity strikes. It’s easy to blame your man because he’s the closest to you. You know his flaws and he knows yours. Rarely do we take a step back and say maybe I’m the problem.

Hear me on this one, I’m not excluding men from their issues, we have many. But today I am talking to the ladies to help make the necessary changes. I have plenty of blogs written towards men because we have internal struggles as well. By default, when a relationship hits the wall, many assume it’s the man who is doing something wrong because the woman is the first one to say let’s get some help and by nature women are relational so they want to talk about it.

If you are Christian or raised in the Church, from a relationship standpoint we address women as the help meet, good thing, or proverbs 31 woman (if you want to read about these scriptures refer to Genesis 2:18, Prov. 18:22, and Proverbs 31). These are excellent traits for women to model after, but I have some bad news…

These traits aren’t just handed to you, they have to be nurtured and handled with care. How does this happen? By learning from older women who been through some things and doesn’t spew bitterness, but all about uplifting. To obtain those Godly traits take years. You can’t pop out the womb, go into a phone booth, and turn into superwoman!

Ok, maybe that phone booth reference is a little outdated, Millennials like “what is a phone booth?”

Ladies, you are so precious in the sight of God! You help create life; your very essence is beautiful, from your shape to the way you smell, and your touch. Did you know that 99 percent of the things men do is to get your attention?!

The problem is going into a relationship thinking you can change him because you are a Help Meet/Good Thing/Proverbs 31 woman, right? Well, no one tells you about being whole and complete first before even trying to help a man.

It’s easier to try and fix your man because all your focus and attention can go on him, preventing you from working on being a better YOU. Once “life” gets in the way you can shift the blame to him because all you ever wanted to do was “help him.”

The problem is when your whole existence is caught up in trying to make a man better. Is that to show people he wouldn’t be anything without me! That’s a dangerous place to be. In a sense, you are playing God. Contrary to popular belief, you never want to become a person’s everything. God will knock you off your high horse and the fall is very painful.

The question you should ask yourself is who am I apart from the opposite sex? You should be whole and complete before a relationship. If not, that’s when you lose yourself trying to get something from him he might not be capable of giving to you.

For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. –James 1:3-4

From the time you start dating, having sex, to getting married and even divorce, some women have a difficult time letting go of the past. You give so much of yourself that you lose YOU in the process. I know you have his last name, but you are still someone. I know you are a single parent and you wish you had help raising your child. You are still someone. He wasn’t the knight in shining armor and disappointed you, you are still someone.

What’s the number one killer of healthy relationships?


Maybe you didn’t have a father growing up, so you want that covering from a man you didn’t get as a little girl. The minute you find out he can’t be your everything, you start to go into victim mode. Maybe you were adopted and used to people walking out your life. You distance yourself from your spouse or significant other because everyone else walked out your life, so you create that self-fulfilling prophecy. Maybe you were raped or molested so your husband gets the cold shoulder at night because, in your heart, you hate the way a man feels on top of you.

Let’s get it straight, a young girl should have a loving and protective father, an intact family and she should never be violated by any man, let alone a father or other male members of the family. There will be enough things a young lady have to deal with in this fallen world besides the aforementioned realities of some.

I get it, we all desire a healthy relationship with the opposite sex, but if you are broken, there is no way you can try to fix someone else.

What are your thoughts? Leave a comment below


Shon Hyneman

Single Father, Mentor, Blogger. The author of 5 books and founder of Never Again Ministries, a place where we can walk through life together. Shon also hosts of The Doctor of Love Show Podcast where he discusses real topics on relationships in a spiritual and practical way so you can apply it to your everyday life. You can subscribe to The Doctor of Love Show Podcast on Stitcher, iTunes, iHeartRadio and Google Play