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What’s the best way to lose your spouse? It’s very similar to the game of football and the term blitz. The definition of a blitz is when a linebacker(s) and/or defensive back(s) joins the defensive linemen in rushing the quarterback. One, two, three, or four of them may blitz the quarterback, overwhelming the offensive linemen. The idea of a blitz is to attack so fast that the offense is hurried into making a mistake. To the women reading this, know that your husband has an ego. Are you stroking his ego or are you injuring his ego?
You can “blitz” your husband by the verbiage of negativity you speak to him. Remember ladies, verbally he can’t keep up with you. Women speak hundreds of more words more than men do. I know he might not be better than you with raising the kids or managing the finances, but he’s your husband and not your child. Words of disrespect won’t make him better, however, they will make him bitter. Learn how he listens and at what pace he is able to intake your words and then proceed accordingly so that what you say is received in a manner that is healthy for the team.
The best way to lose your husband is to talk to him in a disrespectful way, (especially in public). Maybe the ways in which you talk to him seem normal to you because that’s the way you heard your mom speak to your dad and you wonder why dad was silent. Take the time to ask your husband about the way you talk to him. You will be surprised what he tells you.
He has enough he deal with on a day to day basis on the job and trying to create a future for the family. There are times when you have to speak the truth in love because it’s easy to get off track and we need someone to help hold us accountable. In order to get a healthy response from your husband, he has to know you have his best interests at heart and his back. If your marriage has a track record of disrespect or lack of trust, you may have to hold off on constructive criticism because it can injure your marriage permanently.
For us to stay married and play past injuries we must think like defensive backs. One trait a good defensive back must have is a short memory. There will be times the defensive back will be beaten by a receiver for a touchdown. It comes with playing the position. The longer the defensive back dwells on what happened on the last offensive play, he will lose focus and not stick to what he was taught during the week for preparation. Do you have a short memory or do you spend more time dwelling on the past?
The reason why defensive backs must have short memories is because they have to stay with the same player throughout the course of the game. If he’s beaten on a big play early in the game, the defensive back clearly starts to think “This is going to be a long day”, sound familiar? The same applies to your marriage. If you consistently dwell on what your spouse has done to you in the past you will soon think “This is going to be a long marriage.” One quick way to destroy a marriage is to dwell on the past when there’s conflict or where there has been contention.
As a husband, much of what I stated in the above paragraph applies to you as well. You have to know what your wife can handle and what she can’t. You don’t have to tell her every thought that goes on in your mind. Once those words come out of your mouth you can never get them back. Saying words like “you’re fat” or “you get on my nerves” will never sit well with your wife.
The best ways to address these issues are to be proactive and bring it to her attention in a loving way. Don’t wait until she tries on a new outfit and she asks you the question that majority of men hate to answer while she stands in front of you: “Do I look fat in this?” In order to get a healthy response from your wife while addressing these sensitive topics two things must happen:
1) Create a peaceful environment
Don’t address these issues while the children are misbehaving or getting bad grades in school. Take her to her favorite restaurant and ask her how she is doing as an individual. Let her speak about whatever is going on in her heart without you interrupting or trying to fix it. After she’s finished; then speak to her about how and what you feel. Give her your undivided attention and stay focused on her (make sure to put your phone on silent and leave the iPad at home). Women love when men give quality conversation and aren’t afraid to share their vulnerabilities with them.
2) ‘Speak’ and Give her love language.
If your wife’s love language is touch then you need to hold her hand while addressing what you feel. If it’s quality time then show that by going somewhere with just the two of you, not the children. If it’s words of affirmation, speak those words first before telling her what you feel. If it’s gifts then you should buy her something she likes (not what you think she likes) before talking to her. Last but not least, if it’s acts of service then follow through on something that she requested for you to get done before you tell her what’s bothering you, (like cleaning out the garage or doing something for the kids that you’ve been promising for weeks but never got to it).
This is an excerpt from the eBook Love & Football: How to Play on The Same Team With Your Spouse. To purchase this limited edition, click below