Men Hurt Too

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Is it true that men hurt too? Yes! Contrary to popular belief men has feelings! The sad thing about writing this blog is we are ingrained from childhood with thoughts of men like:

Take it like a man

Men don’t cry

And the ever so popular Man Up!

When we look at men from the 50’s and 60’s we see men who are “strong” but silent. They were the sole provider and didn’t have to express what they really felt inside because there was no room to be “weak.” If a man was to panic about his job or how they would eat, it would cause ripples of nervousness throughout the family.

Even before the industrial revolution, there was a time of agriculture where working was a family event. The father and son would plant fruit and vegetable gardens, milk cows and hunt for meat. The mother and daughter would prepare the meals and that’s how the family unit survived.

In medieval times men couldn’t be scared or nervous because they had to kill animals for their family to eat. So, now you can get a clear picture of the history of why men “shouldn’t hurt.”

In the book Husbands Who Won’t Lead And Wives Who Won’t Follow, author James Walker states:

Historically, when we were an agricultural nation, what a father did was apparent to everyone in the household. There was never any doubt as to what it took to be a man-it took hard work, dedication and an ability to adjust to changing weather and circumstances.

Today, when Dad leaves the house for work, he sequesters himself in a walled building where little boys and girls are deprived of the opportunity to see masculinity in action. Their only opportunity to view it is when he arrives home ten hours later, exhausted and hungry, too tired to communicate and wanting only to slump in front of the TV.

Wow! Have times changed. Now we need two incomes to survive (the wife working as well). So now men must make the emotional investment that women so desperately desire because she’s playing a part of his role by pulling the financial burden. However, this transition hasn’t been as easy for men.

Women want to know what’s going on in our mind or tell us “I’m not a mind reader! You have to talk to me!”

Should we open up more to the women in our lives? Most certainly! I know I’ve been guilty of stonewalling my wife because I feel that she doesn’t understand.

But here’s why men need other men in their life. Only a man can truly understand our inner struggles. Some of my greatest breakthroughs have been when I talked to trusted men about my struggles. We deal with lust, temptation, pride and that thing called ego. It can be tough talking to the women in our lives about such things. In our mind we are thinking will she truly understand me or judge me?

We hurt when we don’t make enough money to provide for our family.

We hurt when temptation is all around us and we fight to do the right thing.

We hurt when we can’t please you or put a smile on your face.

We hurt when we live contrary to God’s word.

We hurt when we have to be the disciplinary of the home.

Ladies, can you please not be defensive about all the wrong things he’s done to you? Believe it or not, you said (and done) some pretty nasty things to him that he can’t get out his head.

 

For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. –Matt. 7:2




So, what are we teaching our children about men? Are we teaching our daughters that men don’t have feelings? That ALL a man should do is provide, protect, and pray for his family? That he shouldn’t express what’s going on in his heart without judging him? That the man you marry should be flawless?

If our sons constantly see dad struggle with mom, because they can’t effectively communicate, what will he think of himself when he becomes of age? How will he view women?

I asked the question on Facebook:

What’s the one thing you wish women understood about men? Here’s a response from a woman I thought worth sharing:

“Having raised my Son alone, leading, providing, protecting, nurturing etc., I know it is not always easy and the pressure is great. I also only dated Men who were free to express themselves, their feelings (emotionally mature); it makes for a more healthy thus peaceful relationship.

Men, be set free from the lie, which says that you are weak if you express your feelings, emotions. What a burden to carry all by itself; the results of which make you very difficult to live with. Be free and loving and kind and she will FEEL when you feel pressured, and create an atmosphere that helps relieve the pressure and brings a peace over your spirit.

When you are consistently loving and kind towards us, it is easier for us to FEEL when you feel pressured, afraid, and need us to drop everything and create that certain atmosphere to calm your spirit. If you always act hard and unemotional, we do not know the difference in whether you are angry, feel pressure, are afraid, etc. Practice being emotionally mature and you will become good at it, and your relationship will be so much healthier, peaceful and you will feel less pressure.”

 

Great insight! However, I do believe women who grew up with a father or brothers in the home have a vantage point.

Ladies, your man deal with more pressure than you can imagine. When he becomes vulnerable before you by expressing his feelings, don’t shut him down because you see things different or don’t understand. He’s giving you access to a place very few people (if any) have access to.

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Shon Hyneman

Single Father, Mentor, Blogger. The author of 5 books and founder of Never Again Ministries, a place where we can walk through life together. Shon also hosts of The Doctor of Love Show Podcast where he discusses real topics on relationships in a spiritual and practical way so you can apply it to your everyday life. You can subscribe to The Doctor of Love Show Podcast on Stitcher, iTunes, iHeartRadio and Google Play