It's The Woman You Gave Me

Before I Gave My Life To Jesus

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After knowing our schedule of seeing one another every other weekend I grew weary and started to see other women while she was gone. Shawnda (my ex girlfriend) and I missed each other so much that she left Ohio State and moved in with me (We were engaged, and PLANNED on getting married; that is always our excuse to move in together before marriage right)? to Cleveland State University.

Now we’re living together and oh so in love. Her Mother was infuriated about the decision Shawnda made about leaving Ohio State and us living together. I assured her Mom that everything was going to be ok. (Plus her Mom really liked me) As time went on, Shawnda wanted me to go to church with her. She and I grew up Baptist and the two of us were also somewhat raised together. Her Mom and my Mom used to hang out together back in the day.


We started out living together and for the first couple of months everything was good. But as she went to church more often, it became a problem for us because every Saturday night we would get into an argument about going. She wanted me to come see her Pastor speak during Sunday service. She would come home and tell me how this young Pastor named R.A. Vernon could preach “the paint off the walls.” She would do things like leave the Bible open on the living room table or on our night stand hoping that I would read it one day.


I always wanted to know about God; it’s just that no one showed me an example of what a real Christian should live like. No one showed me that Christianity was a lifestyle, not just a religion. I remember waiting to see “Jesus Christ Superstar” on channel 43 in Cleveland when I was a kid. I always thought Jesus was cool; but he was not cool among friends and family so many times I kept the whole Jesus thing to myself.



Shawnda tried hard to get me to come to church but the main reason I did not come was the example set before me; I’m looking at her like didn’t we just go out last night? Didn’t we just have sex? We living together doing things that married people do and were not married. I’m not knocking her for her efforts; it’s just that we had a soul tie and we could not break it. (To all the single women reading this blog who might be in a simiar situation: Living with your boyfriend and giving him sex will not make him go to church with you. It only pushes him away further from God) After a year of living together, Shawnda would leave then come back again due to the continuing arguing about going to church.


Finally, she gave up on the relationship and moved on. At first I was happy because that allowed me to see other women. But because she brought so much to the table, (I was a High School dropout at the time, and she believed in getting an education so she got me enrolled in a high school program without me knowing; one day I checked my mailbox and all of this paperwork about getting my diploma was in my hand with all of my information enclosed) I started to miss her. Over the course of time I rarely seen her; we talked every once in a while.


So in my desperation to get her back with me I decided to go to church. In my mind I was thinking “This is my ace card right here! This will get her back to me!” I called her on a Saturday night and told her I was coming to church Sunday. On the other end of the phone she told me “OK, I will see you tomorrow” with an inattentive tone of voice.


It was eight o’clock on a nice sixty degree day Sunday morning in Cleveland.  I got dressed in my “Come as you are clothes” because I did not have a suit. Since the church was about twenty minutes from my apartment, I figure to smoke me a Black and Mild cigar on my way there. (During that time smoking Black and Mild cigars was to calm my nerves, especially going to Church).  When I got there at the Church I was looking for her because I didn’t know anyone there. Then as I approached the big brown building I saw her standing at the double doors talking to two of her friends.


We hugged each other as she introduced me to her friends and then we sat in the middle row of the Sanctuary to hear the word of God delivered by the Pastor. In my heart I wanted help; but my flesh wanted to use Shawnda request of me coming to church as a tool to get her back into my life. As the Pastor preached, he was saying things that I thought you should not say during a service like “Pornography is wrong, living together and not being married is wrong” etc. (If you heard him preach you would know what I’m talking about, and this was over thirteen years ago). But as the word went forth, it was convicting but at the same time I needed to hear those words.


After service was over I was like “I have to come back here! I need that word!” She was happy for me because she knew that I really liked the service. Although my evil nature did not change, I kept going to the church to hear the word. Although Shawnda and I did not get back together, I was happy with going to church to be built up by others and hear the Word of God.

Excerpt from the book It’s The Woman You Gave Me: Why We Play The Blame Game In Our Relationships. To purchase the eBook, click here


Shon Hyneman

Single Father, Mentor, Blogger. The author of 5 books and founder of Never Again Ministries, a place where we can walk through life together. Shon also hosts of The Doctor of Love Show Podcast where he discusses real topics on relationships in a spiritual and practical way so you can apply it to your everyday life. You can subscribe to The Doctor of Love Show Podcast on Stitcher, iTunes, iHeartRadio and Google Play