How Not to Sabotage a New Relationship

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You did it! You’re now in a relationship. No longer are you single, but you have someone to call your own. Every time you see your significant other you get butterflies in your stomach and your facial cheeks are hurting from smiling too much. Did I forget to mention you can now change your Facebook status from single to in a relationship? All the pain of the previous relationships are now thrown out the window, time to focus on your new significant other. You can talk about this person all day on how they look, smell, what they like to eat and how they treat you like royalty. There is no better feeling than making a new relationship official.

One thing we tend to forget is we can only hold up a facade for so long until the real “us” comes out. The longer we are with someone, the more comfortable we tend to get. Remember when you started dating your significant other and everything had to be perfect (your shoes, makeup, hair, and your “they can’t resist this” cologne/perfume)? Well, depending on how long it takes you to get comfortable with someone you start to let your significant other see your flaws, not only physically but mentally. One thing that starts to wear off from us being seen as the perfect person are the way we think. What I mean by this is old habits die-hard and we know what our significant other might think is acceptable and what they might think isn’t acceptable.

Here is where we tend to sabotage a new relationship by the way we think. If our mind haven’t been renewed to think more positively about a new relationship we’ll find ourselves back at square one. Ever wonder how you get into a new relationship but the results are the same? Yes, they might be a different person physically, mentally, spiritually, and they may be of a different ethnicity but things tend to go south like the last two relationships. Why? Because you haven’t given yourself time to heal mentally. We can screw up a good thing with someone if we start to second guess ourself or think we don’t deserve better because of the way the last relationship ended.

Here are two ways how not to sabotage a new relationship

Leave your past hurts in the past:

Did your last relationship end on a sour note? Does thinking about your last relationship make you cringe? Before you decide to get into a new relationship spend some time to recover from the last one. Don’t expect a new relationship to heal an old one. The sad part about being hurt from past relationships is we don’t like to admit that we are hurting. With every past hurt we build a wall brick by brick, therefore making it harder for our potential spouse to truly love us like we deserve.

Putting unhealthy expectations on your new significant other:

During the time you weren’t seeing anyone you would log into Facebook and see everyone else with these tips for fantasy relationships. Over the course of time you would daydream of having all this information you learned from social media on relationships wrapped up in one person. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but no one has a perfect relationship and successful marriages come with much sacrifice that most don’t talk about because the work and patience it took.

You deserve to be with someone who will love and respect you! Don’t sabotage it by your old way of thinking.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things -Philippians 4:8

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Shon Hyneman

Single Father, Mentor, Blogger. The author of 5 books and founder of Never Again Ministries, a place where we can walk through life together. Shon also hosts of The Doctor of Love Show Podcast where he discusses real topics on relationships in a spiritual and practical way so you can apply it to your everyday life. You can subscribe to The Doctor of Love Show Podcast on Stitcher, iTunes, iHeartRadio and Google Play