Single Ladies: The Exception to the rule

Single Ladies: “The Exception to the Rule.”

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In a previous post, I touched on the life of Ruth as relates to Naomi & Boaz. According to Jewish customs, she wasn’t supposed to be with Naomi as a daughter-in-law having herself been a Moabite Woman, nor should she have been “suitable” for Boaz. The difference is that Ruth was the “exception to the rule” imposed by legalism just to accomplish God’s plan. She was also unexpected-which means Boaz was already familiar with his other gleaning maidens. Pause right there and re-read that. “Boaz was already familiar with his other gleaning maidens.” Is it possible that his familiarity with those maidens he instructed her to go glean with and behind he already “knew?” For many reasons Ruth stood out. Quite naturally she didn’t look like anyone else; she wasn’t from there.  She stood out without standing out. It is very important to understand what that means. In my previous post, if you read it, you’ll notice the phrase “Seek Not to be Sought.” This ‘exception to the rule Ruth’ didn’t catch Boaz’s eyes because she was fine and working. She caught his eye because she was focused on serving and she was different.  The Bible does not record how many times Boaz “may have happened upon Ruth” unawares. Which tells me that she could have been there a long time & he didn’t even notice her. Two things stand out about this unexpected one: Favor and Humility. So, when Boaz saw her, he didn’t just see fine. He saw fine and humble. She didn’t have to announce herself or her pedigree. His servants did that. Just by mentioning where she was from, (her past and all that came with it) Boaz could have dismissed her-but he didn’t.

My point: You will be the exception to some man’s rule. You will be unexpected. You will stand out without trying. And, you like Ruth and Esther will find favor so much so that “Boaz,” “King Ahasuerus” and the “brother” who already has his list of what he wants in a woman that doesn’t have your name on it, will have him tearing that list up. When a man is truly connected to God, lists don’t matter… He is going with God’s choice for him and that is your good news. You don’t have to push for it, work for it or “twerk for it.” Just be yourself, serve somebody else, stay low and on your row. Let him get to the point that when he’s ready to ask you about you, all of what he heard won’t matter. Boaz saw her working yes, but when he inquired about her he heard that she was serving. When a man sees you serving and it’s confirmed by others that you’re a willing servant, that sends a signal to his brain that says: If she can serve in a tight place; she can submit in a wide space. Submission in a wide space means this: As large as his life and vision are, you can submit to him in every area because God has given you the capacity to carry it and still submit with a genuine smile.

You are some man’s appointment with 1. Transformation he didn’t know was coming and 2. God’s Ultimate plan for his life. Just as Jesus came through Ruth and redeemed the Church, you, in a Kingdom marriage will be the key I mentioned in the last post to turn his whole life around or push it forward; without force.

How do I know which one of my “suitors” to choose? He won’t fall into the trap of Abraham and Isaac. He will not be the man meeting you on the low, flying you to every city he’s headed to, or having you fly, and; he most definitely won’t deny who you are in his life. In other words you will never hear him utter: “Say You’re My Sister.” Both Abraham and Isaac had such beautiful (inside and out) and as we say “banging” wives, that they allowed fear to step in and make them ask their wives to lie for them about who they really were. Ladies, when that man has made a commitment to you and with you pre-marriage, he will not  ask you to lie for him. He will not be a fearful man. His “image” won’t be about who he is or what he has and he won’t care who sees you with him. This new day brother with these undercover lovers is not your husband. I know not one King except Jesus and if He doesn’t deny you, neither will your husband try and hide you. Just like they study you; study them. They may do all the right things and say all the right things, but one day, you will know if he is the one. If he asks you to compromise who you are to him or if he asks you to hide until he can tell the truth about your relationship–that isn’t him girlfriend. If you make a decision to keep your own personal integrity and he gets angry, not the one either. Anytime a man says he loves you and wants to marry you he won’t have a problem telling everyone that you are his wife, his Queen and his good thing. So, watch out for the “Say You’re My Sister” types. You don’t want a fragile man and you don’t want a fearful man. You don’t want a man who passes the legacy of lying down to your children. You aren’t to make him change who he is through here. You’re to decide if and if not, you will walk forward with or without him.

You will also know how to choose based on your spirit coming into agreement with his proclamation that you’re the one. In order for that to happen, you have to keep discernment on dial. Refer to my previous post about seeking God for yourself. If you’re Spirit led and know the Word, especially after you’ve been “duped” a couple times, you’ll know when the truth shows up. And he will show you off, not stuff you in the “sister so and so” category. He won’t get all churchy on you. He may be in Church, but he won’t use churchy lingo nor will he stoop to using worldly lingo with you either.

“Well, all of my suitors are doing the right things and they aren’t trying to hide the fact that they are interested in me.” One answer: Time. Is he consistent over time? Not just in the four seasons of your life and I don’t mean the Hotel chain. His consistency will go beyond your seasons (attitudes towards) falls, cold and hard times, hopeful times of blossoming and in the times of fire. His consistency in both words and deeds will supersede just understanding how you respond to your seasons. It will be as committed out of season as it is in season. His integrity before God will be more important than his image in the eyes of man.

Do I have to tell him all of this? No. God didn’t put you here to chase or teach a man. If you have to tell him how to pursue you; you’ll be teaching him the rest of your life and that is out of order. You raise children, not adult men. Yes, there will be times where you will have to tell him that you don’t like roses, or that you are fond of a specific kind of art or perfume, but in the bigger things, you won’t. A man was put here first for a reason.

To every man reading this post and shaking their fists at the “Say You’re My Sister,” dear brothers in The Lord, Jesus didn’t deny His love, King  Ahasuerus and Boaz, etc… didn’t either. “We mean when we approach her, for a time she has to have some discretion about our relationship until we are ready to present her.” That may be fair but is it sound? Because one thing about a woman is this, she may wear eyeshadow but she isn’t going to tolerate you hiding her and saying “hello” to everyone else. Boaz means swift. If you’ve found her you better grab her before someone else does, without apologies. If she meets your standards and you meet hers (oh, she’s going to have standards) then you might want to pray about the way you go about taking her from dating to marriage. However you lead her now, gives her a full picture of how you will lead later. She has to be in love with the way you love God, which means you need some integrity. There goes that Word again. Integrity. You can’t buy integrity but the wrong path with have you paying for it on the back end if you don’t keep it. Ladies, it is vital to note here that you should keep your relationship private. There is a difference between privacy and hiding. Ruth covered Boaz by keeping her mouth shut as he asked her to. It’s interesting to note that while Ruth covered who would end up as her covering and she and Naomi’s redemption–Adam uncovered Eve. (Read Shon’s book: “It’s The Woman You Gave Me”) There will come a man who will not ask you to cover up nor uncover you. And that man is the one who has nothing to hide. He will cover you as you cover him. He will not expose you to anyone nor will he dishonor you and it will be based upon three things: 1. His relationship with God. 2. His respect for you and your relationship with God and 3. Your future walk together. As quiet and private as you are, he will be the same. He will defend you and not defame you. He will shelter you and not shame you. Love covers and perfect love casts out fear. The “right choice” is the one who will redeem you, just as Christ redeemed the world and gave Himself up for it. No shame. He just did it. Your man will will not bring shame or be ashamed. He’ll just do it!

Ladies, don’t calculate “how to become ‘unexpected’ to get a man.” You don’t have to do all of that. If you are truly yourself and going after God with everything in you, the man, your mate, your husband won’t expect you either-you’ll “happen upon” each other. There are many awesome men who have prayed for their heart’s desire for so long that when he does find you he may not even believe it. God will confirm it to him. You continue in your calling and personal growth.

They may be intrigued by you at 1st, then irritated. He may even date other women, but even he doesn’t know the full plans of God. He may be dating someone right now (dating, not married–you don’t do married ladies) & you may be dating someone else. But if in your dating, it isn’t God’s destiny: Expect the Unexpected.

When there’s Kingdom on a relationship, it will produce Kingdom-not just look like it. Notice I said “Kingdom” not Kryptonite. Your relationship won’t be explosive. It will be too occupied reproducing after God and what He’s placed in you both.

 

Straighten your Tiara’s. The right one will come and you’ll know how to choose because you’ve been in Christ and you’ve checked your friends. I won’t get into that right now but ladies “Checking Your Friends” starts with checking some of them out of your circle. Even the ones who seem well-meaning. If God says, “Serve those busybody, messy women, or any other woman, and men, an eviction notice-do it. They will mess up your marriage and most of you reading this already know who needs to go. Do it in love & don’t look back.

You are the exception to the rule. Don’t read this post and try to morph into that. Learn for yourself through prayer, study and self-examination before God who you are and why you’re different and accept yourselves, don’t seek attention, use your discernment and keep serving.

You don’t have to work. Yes, I said it. You don’t have to work. Read Genesis.  You don’t have to work for a man to notice you and marry you. You may have an awesome job  or a boring job, but there is a rack of ribs missing one that may require that you don’t work but that you do serve. That doesn’t mean you’re to quit your job or be slothful, it just means that when the “rack” shows up, and you plug in that last rib, your title, position, job description will change. And you won’t expect it. The exception to the rule. Remember that as you go about your life. There is always an exception to the rule, especially when the rules are man-made. God is Sovereign Sisters. Indeed He is Sovereign. Stop searching and start serving. Esther took instructions from three people: Mordecai, The Eunuch and the King. Women of destiny are far better suited for their suitors by serving than anything else. You are not the man. You follow him after he finds you and you have chosen him. Not the other way around.

In closing: If you’re about to be married, do not say what you aren’t signing up for. When a man hears that one of two things will happen: 1. He will leave or 2. He will ignore the checking of the Holy Ghost to do so. You show up and sign up and believe God to do the unexpected with and through you both. It’s simple: God’s Way or the Highway. Don’t set yourself up to be in a position to be dumped off-you’re a diamond, a rare find. God will let all of the “expected ones” overlook you just to keep you for the one who didn’t expect you to be his.

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Natasha Stevens

Natasha Stevens is a writer who has ghostwritten books for many leaders in both ministry & business. Natasha serves as an Ambassador for Girl Rising, a global platform that uses storytelling to inspire girls around the world to get an education and celebrates those who are overcoming obstacles to become the great girl leaders they were born to be. Having traveled and lived abroad for study and missions, she has garnered the respect of some of the top Universities and Prep Schools both in the United States and abroad, as well as Outreach Ministries. She is the Executive Director of Creative Content at www.pitch2me.com where she assists current and aspiring filmmakers in procuring financing for film and television projects. Natasha has a heart for women’s ministry as well as youth education, counseling & missions.