Should I Tell My Potential Spouse My Past?

Should I Tell My Potential Spouse My Past?

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Should I tell my potential spouse my past? The answer to this question is yes and no. Let me first explain why. This is a question you have to be honest with yourself first. Think about if some things you done in your past are even worth mentioning. We all have skeletons in our closet, and I think it’s best to keep them there. However, if our potential spouse really want to know about our past it’s best to tread lightly.

Choose a good reputation over great riches; being held in high esteem is better than silver or gold –Prov. 22:1

Why should we have a good reputation? For times like this when our past can potentially break apart a relationship. We can use the I was young and dumb card which I totally understand, but bad decisions from your past can make your potential spouse feel insecure once you have a heart to heart conversation about the things you aren’t proud of from the past. Were you once labeled a drug addict, promiscuous, swindler, trouble starter, or habitual liar?  If you aren’t healed from these characteristics (and there are many more) you can only cover them up for so long until they wreak havoc in your personal life (and effect your loved ones as well).

If your potential spouse is delivered from their past but let you know about it, appreciate the fact that they loved you enough to be honest. Can you handle what they told you? Some people can’t accept it and end the relationship, for others it might be hard to swallow but they choose to stay and work it out. (Me personally, I choose not to ask about the past because no matter the answer I’m looking for, it will never be satisfying). Let’s make this a little easier on you. Have you (the reader) been honest about your past? Have you considered how they might feel about you?  Before you pass judgment on our potential spouse let’s look at your own life. Think about how God loves you in spite of your past sins (present and future) yet He showers us with His grace and mercy. Wouldn’t you want to marry someone like that?

But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners –Rom 5:8

Very few of us come to the altar as a Virgin Mary so who are we to compare what we done in our past to our potential spouse past? We like to compare our sins and think that one is greater than another, but sin is sin. If you really love someone you will take them in unconditionally and give them the love and respect they deserve. Who knows why we act the way we did while trying to figure out whom we are? It could come from an absent parent or trying to win the attention of a parent. Maybe we did certain things to be accepted by our peers. The reasons are endless but the key is to leave our past where it is, the past.


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Shon Hyneman

Single Father, Mentor, Blogger. The author of 5 books and founder of Never Again Ministries, a place where we can walk through life together. Shon also hosts of The Doctor of Love Show Podcast where he discusses real topics on relationships in a spiritual and practical way so you can apply it to your everyday life. You can subscribe to The Doctor of Love Show Podcast on Stitcher, iTunes, iHeartRadio and Google Play