Things I Wish Singles Knew Before Marriage

Things I Wish Singles Knew Before Marriage

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Always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth -2Tim. 3:7


Have you been in a fight before and tightened up your body to prepare for a punch? Were you surprised that it didn’t hurt as much because you prepared for it? Want to know when a punch really hurts? It’s when someone punches you unexpectedly because you were not expecting it. I am trying to prepare you ahead of time so it won’t hurt…

I wish singles knew the following things before marriage:

Marriage is not about “This person is going to make me happy.” That’s too much responsibility for one person to carry. Learn to be a servant of your spouse. God is more concerned about you being holy than happy. Marriage is about learning to love an imperfect person (yes, you have issues also)…for life. Marriage is more like “How can I please you.” Husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her (Eph. 5:25). This includes when your spouse has off days. We must learn how to love our spouse unconditionally. The more we learn about meeting our spouse’s needs, the smoother our marriage will become. Most people are afraid to meet a spouse’s needs because of fear that unconditional giving won’t be reciprocated. That’s why the one you marry should be filled with God’s spirit because that person will feel convicted when not reciprocating love back to you.

-Just because you get married doesn’t mean that the rest of the human race suddenly becomes ugly in appearance. Singles think that since they have a spouse they won’t be tempted. After all, they married people they were attracted to, right? Remember: Marriage is not a fire extinguisher! If you don’t tame your flesh as a single, marriage won’t change it. Ever wonder why there is so much infidelity in today’s society? Sorry to break the news to you, but our flesh is never satisfied. Everything is wearisome beyond description. No matter how much we see, we are never satisfied. No matter how much we hear, we are not content (Eccl. 1:8). However, in marriage having a healthy sex life is a great tool against adultery.


Related: The Myths About Marriage


-Never underestimate premarital counseling. I tell singles “If the one you plan on marrying doesn’t want premarital counseling, I question the one you are about to marry.” Plans go wrong for lack of advice; many advisers bring success (Prov. 15:22).  Some people don’t want to wait for premarital counseling for a lack of self-control; they are ready to jump in the bed. Some people don’t want the counselor’s advice because their minds are already made up. “I’m going to marry him/her no matter what.” (This type of attitude sometimes happens because a couple has already had sex.) Go through premarital counseling because sometimes a counselor or pastor can see things you can’t. These insights will help you. Respect your pastor’s or counselor’s decision. Don’t just leave the church if you are told something you don’t want to hear. Instead, pray about the advice you are given.

-It’s ok to celebrate each other’s differences.  Over time you may become frustrated with your spouse’s uniqueness. For example, your husband or wife might not do things the way you do them, simply because that person was raised in a different household. Maybe your spouse was an only child and you had brothers and sisters. Maybe your spouse is not used to sharing a bathroom. Maybe your spouse cleans the house differently or cooks food differently than your momma did. Let your spouse be the person God created. If your spouse is doing something differently and it is not morally wrong or questionable, don’t try to change that person. It will take a load off your shoulders. Usually the first year of marriage is the toughest because two people from two different homes are trying to discover the culture of their own home. True love is when you let your spouse be themselves and yet love them unconditionally. God is the same way with us, right?


Shon Hyneman

Single Father, Mentor, Blogger. The author of 5 books and founder of Never Again Ministries, a place where we can walk through life together. Shon also hosts of The Doctor of Love Show Podcast where he discusses real topics on relationships in a spiritual and practical way so you can apply it to your everyday life. You can subscribe to The Doctor of Love Show Podcast on Stitcher, iTunes, iHeartRadio and Google Play