Using Discernment When Dating

Using Discernment When Dating

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There I was dumped two days before Valentine’s Day. This was the first time I had EVER been broken up with. I was confused for a few reasons. I asked the question. “God, this guy was SAVED this time!” He was all I thought I was supposed to look for?! But I was in denial. All the signs were there I just completely ignored them. What guy do you know NEVER wants to visit someone he is interested in? Is every girl he’s dated and they had an issue was it her fault? What is his view on sex? So many of these things I had in front of me, but I refused to address them. A mistake so many of us make. What are some things we should look for as a single person trying to live for God? How do we know if we are being successful as a single man or woman of God? First I will say this, now that I am in successful courtship with a man full of God’s spirit, the counterfeit ALWAYS comes first. Unfortunately, I did not know this. But now that I do, I’ll share a few points with you.

LISTEN– most men say exactly where (MENTALLY AND SPIRITUALLY) they are if you will listen. You can tell a lot about a man or boy just by listening. For example if you ask him to pray with you and he’s apprehensive RED FLAG, or if you ask what have you been reading this week in your Word and he hits you with the questionable face he is communicating to you what he values. This guy in particular (the one who dumped me via text message two days before Valentine’s Day) was ALWAYS playing video games, BUT he went to church a lot and was involved in ministry. That does NOT matter. Anybody can be a hearer and a busy body. Take note to what he/she places priority on, just being on the scene of church or actually applying biblical principles to his/her life on a daily basis. Are they serious about prayer? Reaching souls? Do they LOVE God’s word and like healthy discussions about it? If you can’t honestly answer this, take time and look at it for what it is before you invest too much time.


USE DISCERNMENT– God has given us all the gift of the discernment, although we rarely use it for less spiritual things (i.e relationships, jobs, where to send our kids to school etc) we forfeit God’s protection when we don’t heed to His voice about a particular person who has interest in us. If you don’t have an internal peace about a particular person, stop, evaluate why and LET IT GO. There is a reason you have an unsettling feeling about it. Yield to it and save yourself from heartbreak and unnecessary distractions. The moment this guy said He didn’t know who the Holy Spirit was I knew then it would never work, but I just had to “see” (Don’t we all?) Don’t even waste time to see. Let that be your get-a-way card and wave goodbye!


CHECK HIS/HER TRACK RECORD– How long did his last relationship last? What are his patterns? Is every person they dated crazy? Manipulative? Is it never their fault? If you talk about the past (which I recommend you don’t unless it absolutely necessary) and this person is always shifting the blame, this says they don’t take responsibility for their own actions. And believe me once they move on they will tell the next person that you are crazy and manipulative too! A person patterns don’t change much unless they are really pursuing God.


IS HE/SHE ASKING FOR SEX AND NOT RESPECTING YOUR STAND?– this is an automatic GOODBYE! At the time I knew I wasn’t fully delivered from LUST, neither was he so it was easy to pull me into the bed. I had no strength, no guard. I wasn’t strong enough. (FYI: we aren’t supposed to be strong enough to “withstand” the bible tells us directly TO FLEE (RUN) II Timothy 2:22 from youthful lust, you’ll never “beat” or be able to “handle” it) If the girl or guy is talking slow about their view on waiting till marriage tell them to holla at you later. And this isn’t just about lust, no matter what your weakness may be, if this person struggles with the same thing, it might not be wise to engage yourself unless you’ve set clear boundaries that neither of you will cross.


EVALUATE YOURSELF Has this person drawn me closer to God or am I further away since this person has entered my life? Am I more in love with God now than I was before they came? Has my prayer life intensified? Am I learning? Am I growing? These are hard honest questions that we have to ask ourselves. Don’t lie to yourself! Be honest! Once I went through these AFTER the break up, I realized God saved me from MONTHS and YEARS of crazy emotional investment (the relationship lasted all of 4 months). He was a counterfeit. I’m glad it happened when it did or I wouldn’t be where I am today in a successful, GODLY courtship. Maybe I can share that story with you on another day!

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