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Want to know what’s destroying marriages today? The answer will take you by surprise. Is it communication breakdown? Financial difficulties or Infidelity? I believe those contribute to the divorce rate but have you considered we have more options than any other time in history? That’s right, options. Let me explain…
Marriages today aren’t as strong as they were in the 50’s, 60’s, or even the 70’s. Back then the men were the financial backbone in the home which means his wife needed him because he provided for the family.
I’m sure there were fights in the home, disagreements, and many sleepless nights. The bottom line was this:
They remained married.
When people hear me make the statement previously mentioned, here is what I hear from others:
My Grandad cheated on my Grandmother numerous times and she stayed around because she didn’t have the education or didn’t work because he took care of his family financially. I refuse to be subject to that kind of abuse.
I agree! No one deserves to be taken advantage of in a marriage. If there is physical abuse, infidelity, or mental abuse, I advise to get help and separate for a season until there is healing.
Oh, yea, back to what’s destroying marriages. The reason I say options is destroying marriages because when we marry (statistics show that people are marrying at an older age now) we have achieved so much on our own without our spouse. We already have the apartment, car, degrees, career, kids, and a dog.
What have we achieved together? There are couples who already have kids from previous relationships and they don’t want any with their spouse because they already have the Brady Bunch! He has two kids coming into the marriage and she has one.
I think a married couple having a child together despite having a blended family brings the family closer.
Think about this: it’s easier for a married couple to divorce or even separate because they were making a life for themselves way before their spouse came along. So, why do I need you? There’s no fear in divorce because I have some money stashed on the side just in case…
If that’s your mindset, you are setting yourself up for failure. In essence, you are saying just in case this marriage doesn’t work…
It’s similar to a prenuptial.
Rarely do people encourage you to fight for your marriage despite difficult times. We are quick to divorce because I’m not happy or things aren’t going MY way. Last time I checked I thought it took two people (man and woman) to make a marriage.
Think about back in Biblical times when the woman who married left directly from her father’s home to her husband’s home. She depended on her husband to provide. Both of their roles were defined. She took care of the home while he made a living for his family.
I know times have changed and we teach independence to the fullest to our children, boy or girl. What if we taught interdependence? What if we taught working together?
Many times, when we get married, very few of us learn how to work together because we been independent for so long (especially if you are a single parent).
It’s ok to be different than your spouse. Stop trying to make your wife into your homeboy and stop trying to make your husband your girlfriend. Trying to force this to happen will only cause frustration. True love is letting your spouse be who God created them to be. Not who you think they should be.
In the book Boundaries in Marriage by Cloud and Townsend states this on letting your spouse be their own individual:
“Being different should not be a problem in marriage. In fact, it should be a benefit. When your mate has an alternative viewpoint to yours in parenting or home furnishings, you have been enriched. Your world has been enlarged. You are no longer bound to a world of your own making, which is a prison God never intended for us.”
Here’s why it’s important for a child to see mom and dad stick through adversity opposed to throwing in the towel because they can’t work together. When kids see that growing up, divorce in their mind is foreign because they never witnessed it. We have to stop tearing apart homes and leaving our children wounded.
Are we getting married for the moment, or are we getting married and staying married until death do us part? Is divorce easier because we have options?
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