Why Your Relationship Advice Never Work Out the Way You Plan?

Why Your Relationship Advice Never Work Out the Way You Plan?

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Ever wonder why your relationship advice never work out the way you plan? There’s one reason for this. Before I tell you why, we have this false pretense there’s a special someone who can fix all our problems.  We play musical mattress throughout our teenage years and twenties (and even in our thirties) looking for this special someone.

Why is it we keep jumping from relationship to relationship?

We jump from one relationship to relationship to look for someone to fill the void. That void comes from the first time we experienced hurt from our childhood. It can be the abandonment from a father, a mother who didn’t show us affection or the kids in middle school who picked on us because our bodies were maturing.

We are all needy people.

We were created to worship God, and if not Him, we will worship something. It can be the work of your hands, the house you own, the trophy wife, the straight “A” kids, or the many degrees you have. The main thing all these have in common is you can’t take them with you when you expire.  If all these things were taken away from you, who would you be?

Just like we place a premium on the things listed above, we do the same thing in relationships.  Don’t get me wrong there’s no better feeling than having someone to call your own! But when that person becomes your everything, you start to lose who you are.

With so many relationship gurus and relationship coaches, and a wealth of information pertaining to relationships, we take advice from anyone who will make us feel good (even, if they are wrong).

The problem with this is we focus a relationship based on how YOU will make me feel. It’s all about taking instead of giving. If you are Christian, your relationship with someone should be based on giving and adding value to the one you are with. Jesus talked a lot about being a servant. When we get in a relationship, we are the ones who want to be served because being a servant looks weak and belittling.

When we look at Jesus, He served the people and gave His life for everyone.

He gave the Holy Spirit; He washed the disciple’s feet, He healed people. If He did that for mankind, why aren’t we giving in our relationships? We go into relationships looking for someone to fill the void that only Jesus can.

I can’t stand that old adage a relationship is 50/50.

No relationship will ever be 50/50 because we are inconsistent people. Why would I make such a bold statement? Let one of our bills be late, or behind on a car payment, or better yet, lose your phone!  When one of these things happens to us our mood changes from being a lovely angel to the devil himself.  Jesus is the only one who will never change.

Some may say “I gave him/her my all and it was never reciprocated back.”

Was it because you gave to him/her what you THOUGHT they needed opposed to what they requested? Have you given someone a Christmas gift and when they opened it, they had a plain look on their face? You called them ungrateful, but that’s what YOU wanted them to have not what they truly wanted. The same thing applies to relationships.  Giving your spouse or significant other what they desire (in a healthy way) takes us out our comfort zone and challenges us.

So, why your relationship advice never works out the way you plan?

Our relationship plans don’t work due to searching for people who we “think” will fulfill our hurts and pains.  We tell people if you aren’t happy, move onto the next relationship. This is a vicious cycle that keeps reoccurring because hurt people, hurt people. We leave relationships wounded never truly giving our hurt to God so He can heal us. Instead, we look to another relationship to heal us. The more we go into a relationship taking instead of giving our results will remain the same.

 

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Shon Hyneman

Single Father, Mentor, Blogger. The author of 5 books and founder of Never Again Ministries, a place where we can walk through life together. Shon also hosts of The Doctor of Love Show Podcast where he discusses real topics on relationships in a spiritual and practical way so you can apply it to your everyday life. You can subscribe to The Doctor of Love Show Podcast on Stitcher, iTunes, iHeartRadio and Google Play