Your New “Bae” is Broken Just Like You

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I know by reading this title you are thinking “dag, Shon why you want to rain on my parade?” I’m not; I just want you to accept reality as soon as possible. Sometimes, when we wear those rose-colored glasses, we overlook any flaw our new “bae” has that can hurt us later on down the road.

Starting a new relationship is a wonderful thing! You are thinking about them all day, sending emoji smiling faces and blowing kisses. The feeling of euphoria is stimulating and you feel like you are walking on air. Naturally, we want to put on our best sales representative in the early stages because we want to win you over. A new relationship is similar to Christmas.

Think about your kids on Christmas morning. They are so anxious about opening their gifts, they can’t contain themselves! Everything they get is new and they enjoy their gifts for weeks (maybe months) but then the newness wears off.  Those same toys and electric gadgets that made your child excited no longer give that excitement. Now they want something else that will make them “happy” again. Sounds like relationships, right?

It’s easy to put our new “bae” on a pedestal because they seem perfect. There are so many people with wonderful traits and characteristics; they are truly a God-send. But if we pull the curtain back in their personal life, there is some brokenness. The good thing about brokenness is The Lord is near them (Ps. 34:18) and if we admit that we need the Lord to piece us back together, He can do that.

When we don’t take the time to answer the tough questions once we see our relationship going to another level, there will be all kinds of surprises (not the good ones either). There might have been some rape or molestation in the past. Maybe their parents divorced, or dad wasn’t in the home. Maybe there were unresolved anger issues that never got dealt with.

I’m not saying people can’t recover from these life changing issues because they can! There are countless people who survived such misfortunes and turned it into victory in their personal life.  All I’m saying is we are all broken and bring different issues to the table. Some have sandwich bag sized issues, and others have garbage bag sized issues. You never know until time passes.

One can only hold on to their “sales representative” for so long until the newness wears off. If you want a lasting relationship, you have to love the broken part of a person. God loves us with our flaws and blesses us in spite of us. I’m not saying that destructive behaviors are ok or they should be excused. I’m saying there will be times when you are disappointed because you found out your new bae is broken just like you.

Can you extend grace to them? You will need it as well because you are broken just like they are. Too many times we look at the other person as the problem in a relationship, but you had a part to play as well. To every action, there is a reaction.  Rarely do we take a look in the mirror and say we need to make some changes. It’s easier to blame our spouse or significant other because it takes the focus off us.

So, I wrote this blog not to give a negative view on relationships, but to show that we are all broken, and we need the unconditional love of The Lord to renew us day by day.

Can you love your broken bae past their issues or continue to look for the newness of another relationship?


Shon Hyneman

Single Father, Mentor, Blogger. The author of 5 books and founder of Never Again Ministries, a place where we can walk through life together. Shon also hosts of The Doctor of Love Show Podcast where he discusses real topics on relationships in a spiritual and practical way so you can apply it to your everyday life. You can subscribe to The Doctor of Love Show Podcast on Stitcher, iTunes, iHeartRadio and Google Play